Harnessing our power during conflict

Theme: Women’s wellness, Voice, self-care, communication 

How often have you found yourself in a situation where it feels like you’re being taken advantage of or that you’re losing your power? 

It could be a business meeting, a social gathering, or a friend asking for a favor. 

Our whole body screams out in resistance - this doesn’t feel right, I’m uncomfortable, and my instincts tell me no.

And yet, our minds respond to conditioning, and we go along with it because we’re either people-pleasing, fear rejection, or don’t want to disrupt the social balance. 

As women, society teaches us to be friendly, accommodating, and sometimes submissive at a very young age, even when it means sacrificing our own needs. 

We lose our voices and power by giving other people control of situations where it doesn’t feel mutually beneficial, we don’t feel safe, or our work isn’t appreciated or valued.

So how do we maintain our power? 

The first thing is to realize that you are not being disrespectful, damaging prospects, or being rude by speaking up for yourself. You are showing self-care, self-respect, and honoring your truth. 

Anyone worth being in your life with the right intentions, whether a potential business partner, lover, or friend, will never be offended by this. They’ll see it as an act of strength, and it may even encourage them to set their own boundaries or communicate more clearly. 

If this threatens someone close to you, you have to ask yourself if you think their energy will propel you forward in life or hold you back. 

The second thing to know is that when you don’t speak your truth, that feeling will get trapped in your body and cause blockages in your chakras, especially in the throat chakra. We get sick quickly, and we burn out when we’re saying yes to others but no to ourselves. 

Here are five tips on how to harness your power in situations of potential conflict: 

1. Identify where you leak power. 

When do you give your power away, and when do you feel disempowered? In what relationships and what scenarios does this keep happening? 

It’s ok if you can’t resolve or find a solution right away; simply becoming more aware will help you understand where it comes from and why it keeps repeating itself. 

After you identify where you leak power, is there a way to relate or react to it differently in the moment, instead of feeling trapped or confined in your usual response? Even if you simply open up space and say, can I think about it first and get back to you? Instead of an automatic yes. 

1. Take a deep breath and pause. 

This breath allows you to pause and ask yourself, is this what I really want to do? Does it align with your values, how much time will it take, and will this energize or devalue me? 

Breath is vitality and power. It will help you step into your truth and give you clarity. It will help you say no in a sophisticated way, instead of getting caught in our emotions which can sometimes trap us in disempowerment.

1. Find the root of our beliefs.

We’ve all reacted to a situation in the heat of the moment and regretted it later because we didn’t show up in the way we wanted to. We become triggered or silenced as emotions flare up - usually anger, sadness, obligation, or fear. 

We react or freeze because of our beliefs. It’s good to question these beliefs and see if they’re still truthful and serve us now. For example, I need to take any job opportunity that pays as I grew up without means. Is this your current situation? Do you have to say yes if it means taking up a lot of time and energy with little reward? 

Can you now get rid of this belief?

1. Breaking habits 

To change a habit, we need to make a new one. In Kundalini Yoga, we have a breaking addiction meditation practice. You place your thumbs on your temples upside down and clamp down on your molars while reciting ‘SA-TA-NA-MA’ in your mind’s eye on every syllable. 

Three minutes every day will help overcome addictions and break destructive habits such as people-pleasing. It activates the brain area under the pineal gland and helps it secret neurotic and insecure behavior patterns.

1. Space and communication 

If you’re feeling disempowered in a space, it’s ok to walk away from it and do things that make you feel good. For me, it would be a beach walk or spending time with my children. This helps me get in the right mindset and clarify my intentions, allowing me to communicate my needs effectively and make the right decisions. 

When communicating your terms, be honest and show gratitude for the situation, whatever is happening it is teaching you something. Try to not over explain and don’t dilute the issue by cuddling it otherwise your words may become unclear. 

After speaking your truth you’ll most likely be rewarded with relief. That’s when you know you’ve made the right decision. 

Thoughts

Saying no, not now, or not this way does not automatically mean conflict. Saying no is simply stating your terms and boundaries as a businesswoman, friend, or partner.

Your voice is one of the most beautiful tools for communicating new projects, desires, and relationships. It’s ok if things don’t align or work out the way others want them to. It has to feel right for you; otherwise, you are doing a disservice to yourself.

Stay in your power. Use your voice and speak your truth.